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Ugh. It's been a tough couple of days.
I went out to the Anchor with my roommate Christine yesterday evening for a burger, and it seems like any topic that came up, we argued about. Genetically Modified plants, whether it's okay to talk about going out to bars around a recovering alcoholic friend, housework, whether I actively ignore whatever she tells me. The ground was full of landmines, and we were both stomping around like pissed-off 2-year-olds with new boots.
People scare me so much. There's no safety there. I'll clash eventually, even with people I really like. And it feels so bad.
I'm trying to put myself out there, I honestly am. But, if the results thus far are at all indicative of the future, I don't really see why I bother. |
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Geek Prom is on April 22nd at the Science Museum of Minnesota this year. I plan on being there. Hopefully you will, too. |
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Jan. 25th, 2006 @ 12:08 pm
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Happiest of Birthdays to my favorite purveyor of Hobbit Death Porn, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) marginalia. |
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I'm just browsing my friends, and realizing how bizarre a collection they are.
On there are a couple of friends from High School, a guy I used to work with a million years ago, a couple of people I've never met in real life, one I travelled to a different country with.
There're at least three friends I have carried a torch for, and at least a couple who can still make my heart skip a beat to this day.
Oh, and Ron Jeremy. What list is complete without a Porn Actor?! |
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Oof. Another day at work, and I'm not really ready for it.
This week has been highs and lows all over the place. My boss complimented me the other day, telling me that I'm learning and becoming a better technician. But, also, I've gotten work orders dumped on my head, and they're beginning to pile up.
On the bright side, this is the last week of the current rotation, so after Friday, I'm going to Day shift at Black Bear.
On the not-so-bright side, I've got 35 work orders in my queue, and probably not a lot of those are going to be cleared up in the next two days. Sorry, whoever's following me.
I'm trying hard to find cool people and reach out, but I'm mostly friends with deadbeats, so they can be hard to find. Heh.
Jan. 19th, 2006 @ 07:10 am
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| » Pruning |
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I'm trying hard to kill off feelings within me. Desires which are impossible. Unrequieted loves which have been constricting me for too long.
It's hard, thankless, fiddley work. I hope someday it'll be better.
I'm still proud that I told him, though. Probably more proud of that than anything else I've ever done.
Jan. 17th, 2006 @ 11:49 pm
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| » Trust Issues |
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I've been having a rough time of things these past few days.
Things have been going positively apeshit at work. I went to see Brokeback Mountain the other night, which was either exactly the wrong thing or exactly the right thing for me to do (more on this in a bit). I ran out of Paxil over the weekend. And, to put a cherry on top of all that, it turns out someone I used to be friends with in High School is a full-fledged queen in Minneapolis now, including dancing shirtless on one of the boxes at the Saloon (!).
I'm not entirely sure why that last bit fucks with me so much. I mean, shit. I knew this person was gay back 14 years ago when I met him. I think part of it is insecurity in myself: He's apparently way better at the whole gay-party-lifestyle than I ever was. Lord knows I've spent some quality time at the Saloon, but mostly drinking Long Island Iced Teas really quickly in an attempt to not, you know, want to die.
It's been tough adjusting to being back in this area. Duluth ain't Chicago. Shit, Duluth ain't Naperville. For a long time, I've resisted making friends here, and going out at all because I was in denial.
One thing Hedwig got wrong is that there's a hell of a difference between a bridge and a wall. And the problem with walls is that they keep me in as much as they keep others out. It's been a year. And I'm lonely. And Gena can't be my entire social network. So, I've started reaching out. Actually trying to trust people. It's risky, but what choice do I have? Here's to hoping I've trusted the right people.
Jan. 17th, 2006 @ 07:19 am
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| » Brokeback Mountain |
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is gorgeous. Beautiful. Stunning. And very, very sad.
::sigh::
But any movie that can get me to care about Heath Ledger is fine by me. :-)
Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 12:26 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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 | You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).
Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.
agnosticism | | 100% | Buddhism | | 67% | Satanism | | 67% | Islam | | 58% | Christianity | | 54% | Hinduism | | 54% | atheism | | 54% | Paganism | | 46% | Judaism | | 46% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 04:13 pm
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| » Jung Test Meme |
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Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 07:08 am
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| » Making preparations to Fringe. |
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So, today I requested 10 days off in August.
I've decided that I'm going to attend the Minnesota Fringe Festival again this year.
I've been floating along with nothing in particular to live for for entirely too long. So, I'm giving myself something to look forward to.
My dad's moving to Elk River, so hopefully I'll be able to stay with him. If that doesn't work out, I've got a couple of friends still in Minneapolis that I can probably hit up for crash-space. If those don't work out, well...I'll figure something else out.
Anyone wanna come along?
Dec. 7th, 2005 @ 05:20 pm
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| » Christmas Wish Meme |
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( HOW IT WORKS (cut because I'm so. fucking. considerate.) )
Holiday Wish List
1. A Cat-Tree for Edgar. He likes being up high, but he always knocks stuff over on my desk trying to get up there.
2. Someone to share my feeling with, go out to eat with, and see cool movies with.
3. A ticket to New Jersey to visit my sister, edelstein
4. Same deal, except with Vancouver and dacro and marginalia
5. Five golden rings.
6. New Clothes/Gift card from Casual Male
7. A therapist who doesn't, you know, suck.
8. An anti-depressant that works.
9. A car that doesn't reek of gasoline.
10. People to surround me who don't make me want to die.
11. The energy to do something about my room, which is an absolute pigsty.
12. A few icons with the theme "pervy old man."
Dec. 6th, 2005 @ 05:03 am
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| » Holding on by my fingernails. |
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No good will ever come of browsing LJ at 4:00 in the morning.
Dec. 1st, 2005 @ 04:37 am
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| » Happy Birthday! |
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Happy Birthday to you, edelstein, my darling sister.
May this year bring you everything you want, and a few pleasant surprises.
Oh, and your deadbeat brother sleeping on your couch. :-D
Nov. 26th, 2005 @ 03:25 pm
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| » Rent |
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I, too, had quibbles (a fucking engagement? Between two women? in 1989?!) but overall, I thought it was about as good as it could be, and far better than I thought Columbus was capable of.
A few thoughts:
- I missed Christmas Bells but understand why it doesn't work in a movie.
- What's up with the two straight guys in Rent always being played by these flaming queens who are obviously more into each other than their supposed love interests?! Maybe it's just the fact that Mark has been played by Anthony Rapp and Neil Patrick Harris. I mean, who *couldn't* love them more than just about anyone?
- Adam Pascal sure hasn't aged well. ::shudder:: Coulda used some crisco on the lens for his close-ups.
- The theater was full of 16-year-old punks. When did I get so friggin' OLD?!
Yeah, so, it was exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it.
Nov. 24th, 2005 @ 10:13 pm
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| » Stalked |
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I'm being stalked by Eric Jungmann. And I like it.
Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 07:19 pm
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| » Interest meme, stolen from everyone in the world. |
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LJ Interests meme results
- billy's hollywood screen kiss:
The most gorgeous, true gay-romance movie I've ever seen. There's nothing I don't love about this. - damn the man:
Fight the power. Need I say more?! - dumb stuff:
All kinds of dumb stuff holds my attention: k'nex, things that spin in circles, Pay It Forward... - gregory smith:
He's just the cutest thing on two legs, and makes me feel even more like a pervy old man. - malcolm in the middle:
Hilarious show. Never fails to veer off in a direction I hadn't predicted. Plus, Frankie Muniz is something of a guilty pleasure for me. - ojibwe:
I used to know three words of Ojibwe, the language of my Indian Tribe: Boozhoo, miigwetch, and gookoosh. That's hello, thank you, and pig. I've learned a little more since I've been working at the Ojibwe School. - rent:
It's dated now, but this was the perfect musical for my late teens and early 20s. So powerfully emotional. - silliness:
If you've made it this far, you don't even need any further explanation on this one. - the daily show:
Incisive commentary on current events. Plus, Jon Stewart is dreamy. - tom everett scott:
Yeesh. Too many of these are just a name of an actor. Tom Everett Scott is hot. What more can I say?
Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.
Sep. 20th, 2005 @ 10:01 pm
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| » Nabbed from Andrea's blog. |
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You are a
Social Liberal
(68% permissive)
and an...
Economic Liberal
(26% permissive)
You are best described as a:
Democrat
Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid |
Sep. 19th, 2005 @ 08:18 pm
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| » Where do I belong? |
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| #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### | Your personality type is RLUAI | You are reserved, moody, unstructured, accommodating, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.
| | The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Washington DC, Portland/Salem, Richmond, New Orleans, Norfolk, Denver, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Kansas City, St. Louis, New York City, Indianapolis, San Antonio and these international countries/regions Slovenia, Croatia, Caribbean, Czech Republic, Netherlands, Belgium, Guam, Ukraine, Argentina, Greece, Brazil, Israel, Wales, Finland, Germany, Poland | What Places In The World Match Your Personality?City Reviews at CityCulture.org
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Sep. 12th, 2005 @ 05:32 pm
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